The following day, Aria asks Mike about Mona. They met in a group in school with the new guidance counselor, Jesse (Wes Ramsey). Apparently he’s “cool” and Aria demands if Mona was at their house to poop or snoop. Mike wants Aria to stop judging Mona for tormenting her and her best friends. When Aria brings up that Mona is the reason Ella found out about Byron’s affair with Meredith, Mike suggests that if Aria forgave her dad, she should forgive the messenger, Mona. While it makes me cringe when people defend Mona’s behavior on this show, I have to admit that Mike might have a point here.
Wayne Fields is back and he immediately terrifies Emily by explaining that someone remotely messed with her GPS and/or car. Wayne notices that Em is acting weird AGAIN. But why don’t any of the parents realize that “A” is back? Wayne’s revelation about Emily’s car has caused Emily to boycott driving. She’s taking her bike where she’s obviously safe from “A,” since “A” would never attack a bike rider. I guess everybody has forgotten about that poor guy on Spencer’s decathlon team, but I digress.
Maggie is back; oh, great! She has returned because her landlord is SUCH a jerk for wanting her to return the keys to her old apartment! Maggie doesn’t want Ezra seeing Malcolm- he’s pissed, and so is Aria. She interrupts their conversation in Ezra’s classroom. Ezra tells Aria that “people get what they deserve eventually” when Aria begins getting angry about Maggie. Does he mean that Maggie deserved for him to punch her lawyer’s car?
Next, Hanna runs into Detective Holbrook while book shopping. Holbrook recommends books and apologizes for abusing Hanna and her family, causing her mother to go to prison for NO reason and get an undeserved stigma of being a cop-killer. Hanna brushes this off; as long as he has a good taste in mystery novels, he can do no wrong.
At school, Hanna and Emily talk. Emily fills Hanna in on what “A” did to her car. She tells Hanna that she doesn’t feel safe anywhere and predicts that next move by “A” might be to melt off her face with coffee. Emily demands for Hanna to stop reading; it’s great to see Hanna getting such sound advice from her friends! Hanna begs Emily to make up with Spencer but Emily slams a locker door in Spencer’s face instead. Hanna compares Emily and Spencer to her divorced parents.
Aria flips out when she sees Mona acting flirty with Mike. Mona remarks she found a new crowd when the group “burned her off like a wart” after she helped Hanna’s mom get out of prison. Mona still has great one-liners even when they’re not delivered in the form of “A” text messages! Aria immediately assumes that Mona’s interest in Mike is solely for the purpose of stalking Aria and her friends. Mona brings up the same super-awesome guidance counselor that Mike mentioned, and Aria can’t even come up with a response to Mona’s accusations of her and the other PLLs treating her like a frozen wart/yoyo.
Spencer runs into Andrew Campbell, who reminds her that she has a physics exam. Spencer freaks out because she completely forgot about the exam. She begs for Andrew to cover for her and come over with his physics notes later. Then she demands to know how he can stay up all night studying and still look so pretty the next day at school. She wants his beauty tips.
Mona goes into Ezra/Mr. Fitz’s (I’m still unclear on what we’re calling him these days) classroom because he wanted to see her. He asks her to come in and close the door. I figured Ezra was not allowed to shut the door with students in the room anymore after the whole dating-his-underage-student thing, but it seems as if the administration of Rosewood High has temporarily forgotten about this.
Hanna goes ballistic when she thinks a waiter threw her book in the garbage; she’s on the last two pages! She runs into Holbrook again, and admits she always skips to the ending of mystery books (there goes my speed-reading theory), but Holbrook insists that she needs to read the twist in the middle. He’s not into spoilers, but since he owes her for the whole sending her mother to prison thing, he hints that the twist has to do with the teeth used to identify the body. I wonder if this has anything to do with the fact that somebody stole teeth from the coffin where “Alison” was buried! Or maybe somebody just thought that necklaces made of teeth would be the next fashion trend.
Aria confronts the new guidance counselor and explains that she’s worried that Mike is hanging out with a girl who’s “bad news.” Aria attempts to be polite describing Mona, so she comes up with a great euphemism, “MONA’S THE DEVIL.” She has always been great with words! Jesse wants Aria to come to sessions with him, but she declines. She’s too busy solving mysteries about fake dead girls to get any guidance.
Next, we see Ezra send a mysterious text stating that “there’s a setback re: Alison.” That’s not creepy or anything. Luckily, somebody still thinks Ezra is trustworthy. Wayne Fields comes to Ezra’s classroom to discuss Emily’s recent strange behavior. Wayne isn’t pleased that Emily slept in her “dead” BFF’s bed while he was gone, nor is he pleased that Emily lived with Alison’s delusional, crazy mother. He insists that school can’t be the only cause for Emily’s stress. Wayne wants Ezra to help since he is “one of the only teachers that Emily trusts.” Ezra offers to give Emily an extra curricular project; let’s just hope it’s not like the projects he’s given Aria!
Andrew shows up at Spencer’s house with his physics notes, as promised. Spencer grills him on how many hours he studied for the exam; it turns out she has been “watching him,” and she sounds incredibly creepy when she tells him this. She wants him to share “his study aid. The kind with the child-proof cap,” because she needs to stay up late. She begs him, and reminds him that he should definitely give his drugs to her because she once showed him her side boob. Andrew admits that he knew Spencer would never trust somebody else’s notes, and admits that he had an ulterior motive for coming over; he was hoping that she was done with “that carpenter.” Everybody just loves calling Toby that out of jealousy! Since Spencer is still with Toby, for now Andrew decides to settle for being Spencer’s drug dealer! For the two smartest people at school, they sure know how to break rules! This brings us to:
Broken Law # 2 Alert! Controlled Substance, Drug, Device and Cosmetic Act (35 P. S. § § 780-101—780-144) (in relevant part)
“…The sale at retail or dispensing of any controlled substance listed in Schedules II, III and IV to any person, except to one authorized by law to sell, dispense, prescribe or possess such substances, unless upon the written or oral prescription of a person licensed by law to prescribe such drug…”
I’m looking at you, Andrew!
Broken Law # 3 Alert!: Controlled Substance, Drug, Device and Cosmetic Act (35 P. S. § § 780-101—780-144) (in relevant part)“…Knowingly or intentionally possessing a controlled or counterfeit substance by a person not registered under this act, or a practitioner not registered or licensed by the appropriate State board…”
Now, I’m looking at YOU, Spencer! Don’t you have enough trouble in your life already?
Next, Emily wakes up in the middle of the night hearing creepy noises as usual in the PLL world. She grabs the first weapon she can find to defend herself and winds up nearly stabbing her father with a pair of scissors. Wow, Emily, way to NOT hide your craziness from your dad one bit. We do see a handprint outside Emily’s window, though, so “A” probably was planning on messing with Emily, and in that case, scissors would not likely be enough to save her!
Spencer is studying, but not for physics. She’s scrutinizing Ali’s diary, reading an entry about Ali on a date with a mystery boy who likes a weird pie and beer combination. On this date, Ali discusses her story-telling, then Ali and the mystery boy kiss. Spencer pictures the scenes in her head using her own voice to fill in the mystery boy’s part of the conversation. The mystery boy says that all great literature comes down to 2 themes: LOVE AND DEATH.
Spencer has a lead after reading Ali’s diary entry. She shows up at Hanna’s house at 4 AM, and Hanna looks GORGEOUS for a girl who just got woken up by her crazy friend at that hour. Her mom luckily didn’t wake up from Spencer and her noise because she downed a bottle of wine before bed. Classic Ashley Marin. Spencer recognizes the pub Ali described in her diary with pie and beer boy. Spencer wants Hanna to go with her to the pub, but Hanna has big plans to go to the dentist and pose as a patient so she can steal the records about Ali’s case.
Aria runs into Maggie. Maggie really needs to go back to Ezra’s fake son and leave Rosewood. Aria is being her snarky self and inserting herself into the Maggie/Ezra/Malcolm situation. Maggie keeps calling Ezra “MR. FITZ” and implies that Aria’s GPA is solely from sleeping with Ezra. This leads to Aria shoving Maggie and causing her to drop a box filled with her belongings. Suddenly, Aria is sorry and “walks away fast,” as she recounts to Emily. Emily informs Aria that she will be working with Ezra on the next school play as a result of her close call with stabbing her father with scissors.
At the dentist’s office, Hanna is told to wait because she has a loose filling, but she wants to get right into stealing files. Spencer goes to the pub where she runs into Mr. Fitz/Ezra. She asks what he’s eating, it’s the same pie that Spencer read about in Ali’s diary. Ezra rushes off and cancels the rest of his order. When the waitress returns, she gives Spencer the beer Ezra had ordered and deliberately doesn’t ID her. We just met this woman and she’s already breaking laws! She fits right in with the rest of the crowd.
Broken Law # 4 Alert! 47 P.S. § 4-493(14) Pennsylvania Liquor Code: PERMITTING UNDESIRABLE PERSONS OR MINORS TO FREQUENT PREMISES (in relevant part) :
“…If a minor is frequenting a… restaurant… then the minor may not sit at the bar section of the premises, nor may any alcoholic beverages be served at the table or booth at which the said minor is seated unless said minor is with a parent, legal guardian or under proper supervision.”
Beer and drugs cannot be a good mix for Spencer. I didn’t actually catch Spencer drinking the beer, but if she did, refer to the first broken law of this entry!
Spencer and the waitress agree that Ezra’s order of weird berry pie and beer is gross, which was the same sentiment Ali had in the entry that led Spencer to this pub. Then Spencer notices what type of beer Ezra ordered, and this CANNOT be good; it’s called BOARD SHORTS ALE! Spencer immediately knows what this means: EZRA IS BOARD SHORTS! She’s Spencer and knows this as a fact because beer labels are ALWAYS concrete evidence. If I nicknamed all of my friends after their favorite beers, they’d all have some pretty weird nicknames! Spencer looks 100% convinced and terrified. Spencer goes through the entry in her head again, but this time, she fills in mystery boy’s voice with Ezra’s voice. It’s a little odd that she’s having a flashback of something she’s never seen in real life, but this is PLL where nothing is weird.
Meanwhile, at the dentist, Hanna bolts from her chair to steal Alison’s dental records. She shoves the confidential file in her purse; she’s an expert at this by now. See my entry on PLL’s episode “The Homecoming Hangover”
for a reminder on Hanna’s expertise on this particular broken law. It’s broken law # 2 in that entry.
Broken Law # 5 Alert!
18 Pa. Cons. Stat . § 4104. Tampering with records or identification (in relevant part):
(a) “Writings.–A person commits a misdemeanor of the first degree if, knowing that he has no privilege to do so, he falsifies, destroys, removes or conceals any writing or record, or distinguishing mark or brand or other identification with intent to deceive or injure anyone or to conceal any wrongdoing.”
NOTE: Spencer could have been guilty of this too when she looked at her attorney father’s confidential records about the Radley case in episode 4×16.
I forgive her though, because of the priceless remark her father made to Toby afterwards: “PUT SOME PANTS ON. WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT RADLEY.”
It’s very hard to teach these girls the lessons they need to learn about proper behavior!
“A” is trying really hard to teach Hanna this time, though! After stealing the file, Hanna returns to the dentist chair thinking that nobody noticed she’d been gone. She thinks she’s making small talk with Dr. Ackard, but we see that it’s “A” sticking a NEEDLE IN HANNA’S MOUTH. This is absolutely insane. Hanna quickly goes unconscious.
Emily shows up at school after-hours and of COURSE, something creepy happens. There are no lights on inside and Emily hears scary noises. Not considering the fact that she’s been being stalked for the past few years, she assumes the best, her English teacher must be making the noise, so she bellows “Mr. Fitz?!” instead of leaving. Doors start slamming and locking by themselves, and music starts blaring out of the speakers. Emily frantically calls her father to pick her up. A neon sign lights up in the hall that flashes, “Act Normal, Bitch!” Really, “A?” That’s a low blow, there!
Still at the dentist, Hanna wakes up. She’s completely freaked out (rightfully so) and the file is gone from her purse. Emily is still at the Rosewood house of horror trying to get herself out through the window because she’s locked inside. Her dad arrives and she bangs on the window to get his attention. Wayne realizes the doors are locked, Emily sees a creepy “A” like shadow, and someone is attempting to open the door to the room she’s in; the doorknob is moving. Emily gets her dad’s attention and he climbs up to rescue Emily who is screaming that someone is there trying to get her. Wayne rescues Emily just as the person was about to go in the room. We see a black hoodie person staring at her out the window.
Immediately afterwards, Wayne collapses due to a heart condition. Wayne claims it’s “just stress.”
Even though he’s going to the hospital, he seems confident about his health, but so does everyone who dies on this show. Oh, PLL, PLEASE DO NOT KILL OFF WAYNE FIELDS!
After this incident, Emily goes to Aria’s house, absolutely terrified. These girls are always terrified. Spencer comes over because Aria told her about Emily’s dad. Spencer and Emily finally hug it out. Hanna arrives and tells her dentist horror story. Her mouth is still numb.
Among her other skills, Spencer is suddenly a dentist too. Hanna asks the girls to look in her mouth and Spencer grabs the tweezers and retrieves an “A” NOTE LEFT IN HANNA’S MOUTH. CREEPY MUCH? It says: “I told you: Dead girls can’t smile. Stop looking. -A” WHAT?!?!? As creepy as this note is, if I were Hanna, I’d be more worried about my health at this point… Although I’d hesitate to trust ANY doctors anywhere near this town.
Finally, at the end, we see someone in black gloves, presumably “A,” taking the files Hanna had, shredding them, & using them for TIPPI THE BIRD’S CAGE. We see a map of Cape May, and the bird greets “A” by saying “HEY BOARD SHORTS.” Tippi the bird is back in town with a vengeance! I’ll be back with another update on PLL next week, because I don’t anticipate the crime in Rosewood to stop!
I’ll be updating soon with my first “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia” installment. Additionally, don’t forget that “Twisted” comes back on February 11th and so do my updates on the show! Thanks for reading. 🙂