A Glimpse Into My Mental Health

And A Favor From My Network

Today we are going to discuss my mental health and wellness in 2020. And yes, a specific event has triggered me to open up about this. After a nearly yearlong battle with the hiring process, an inordinate amount of bad luck in my career, and nearly crippling financial uncertainty, I finally am at least eligible for unemployment. And I never thought I would have to reach the point where that mattered; I was certain I would have some interviews by then. I’ve struggled to desperately find any form of paying legal work; This constant uncertainty has naturally induced severe anxiety, yet still, I remained persistent about my job search while simultaneously laser focused on zealously representing my pro bono clients on their unemployment claims and grabbing any legal freelance opportunity I could find. 

I continued my vigorous pro bono work even when it became emotionally damaging, even when my casework represented a constant reminder that I was out of work too, but ineligible for unemployment after an attorney stole my time and thousands of dollars for high volume freelance work. Evidently none of the new labor law provisions account for an attorney who performs long term freelance legal work then abruptly loses that work (despite having began working on 2 big future cases for the same firm) when the attorney who assigned it received the finished product and final invoice and ran for the hills without paying… without even a word. He simply skipped our scheduled conference call and ignored all my attempts to get back in contact and collect the thousands of dollars he owes me. Pro bono colleagues asked me why I couldn’t collect unemployment and I performed research daily on behalf of my clients that reminded me exactly why. I felt deeply depressed. My self esteem was on a downward spiral and it seemed that despite my painstaking search for employment, nobody thought my work was worthy of compensation. 

After making hundreds of attempts at finding employment (no exaggeration- the chart featured in this post represents my search up until ONE document review company out of the many I begged to consider me, assigned me a project in August. I am currently revising the chart for September onward too, but I can summarize September 9th – present: 109 applications to attorney jobs, 6 applications to document review projects, at least 5 career networking attempts. The results? INCLUDING automatic rejections, I received only 11 responses to applications. 10 were auto rejections, 1 was an interview invitation in early October; I had the interview, thought I performed well, and was ghosted after a promise that I would hear back by the end of the week. No big deal; no surprise there.  
Before 2020, I had worked on one document review project because it was all I could find, back in 2014. I NEVER wanted to document review again. This year I had no choice. Attorney roles remain unattainable for me and I attempted to convince 39 document review companies that I had enough knowledge and experience to handle work that I thought was way beneath me. Only one document review company would even interview me. 

Finally in August they put me on a project, “despite my lacking experience.” I had a few brief months where I temporarily had enough income to pay for health insurance. This week, the company informed me they have no more projects for me in the foreseeable future. I didn’t want to take this personally, but I know other people who work at the company, for less time than I have, still getting regular project offers. I was devastated about losing the type of role that I never wanted to have to take in the first place. My chances at resuscitating my legal career appear bleak at best, leaning towards impossible. But I had to change my mindset anyway. Even if this rejection was personal, I had to stop comparing myself to others, and stop wondering why this happened when I’ll never likely find out, just like the time I had a written, signed offer agreement at a law firm job and had it rescinded the day before I was supposed to start. That law firm owner refused to explain his decision at all. But I needed to stop thinking about all of these unfortunate experiences. I had to force myself to shift from areas I can’t control and focus on the options and takeaways I still do have. I made the best out of doc review and became certified in French legal reading comprehension. I actively reminded myself that this MATTERS to me; in high school I struggled with French and only began improving towards the end. By college, I could have placed out of any foreign language class requirement. Instead, I majored in French. That certification is an accomplishment, even if the company won’t even send me the hard copy of my own test results. I’ve gained experience and expertise in unemployment law, won an award for my pro bono legal work, and I’ve finally discovered that I have a true passion for employment law. I founded Working Mental Health, something I’ve wanted to do for over a year, and hope to effect important change through my blog. 

And now, I have the “opportunity” to convince someone in the employment law field, or the legal field at all, to take a chance on me instead of hiring someone with extensive employment law experience and avoiding the hassle of training and mentorship. And I have an incredible network that I hope will help share my story and help me in this endeavor, because I also have a newfound understanding of my value. A former boss once rejected my request for a mentor, explaining that the mentorship programs were exclusively for valued employees. But that’s a horrible thing to say, and I shouldn’t have been referred to as an undervalued, or not valued at all, employee. Now I have a newfound understanding of my value and the value of my work. I’m proud of my work and I’m worthy of guidance and mentorship without sacrificing a decent, respectable salary. And I hope someone in my network can help me find someone who will take the time to learn that about me too.

Can you help me out?! I ask that anyone please share this to get the word out.