Depression is a Liar

When Depression Steals Your Interests

I expected to force myself to write this. Why? Depression told me that would happen. Depression claimed that I wouldn’t want to write this article and that I might not even do it. And for awhile I believed it. Of course my depression doesn’t really talk to me, but some days it really feels like it does. It’s like a little voice inside my head, taunting me, trying to convince me that I’ve lost interest in everything I enjoy. 
And it’s been rampant lately. It’s been trying to convince me that I don’t like writing and that maybe I’m not good at it at all. 

Do any of these types of thoughts sound familiar? If so, it’s ok. That’s the point. I know I’m not alone here, but I know it’s not easy to talk about it. 

Especially right when it’s happening. Especially when symptoms are really bad. But that’s exactly why I am doing it. Imagine how difficult it is to muster up the energy and motivation to work, especially if your job isn’t a fulfilling one at the moment, if your hobbies feel like a chore. That’s the way I’ve been feeling lately, and I won’t lie, it’s frustrated me and made me cry. It’s made me question everything that I’ve worked towards for the last few months; it’s left me feeling lost and confused for days in a row. Depression can be a powerful monster when it wants to, and you never know when it’s going to decide that today, that’s exactly what it wants. Power over me. 

I’ve come to realize that means that I am the only one who can shut depression down. Depression has a lot of power, but so do I. Depression does a good job of convincing me of its omnipotence, but it’s not real. It’s not real, even if I have to actively remind myself that I’m still in control. Sometimes I have to drag myself up and take leadership over my body and control of my life. Lately depression has drained me way too much, and I’ve allowed myself to become gullible to all of its mistruths. I’ve become a servant to its every falsehood, but today I said, “no more!” 
So today I said, “prove it, depression!” 

Or as my husband likes to say, “show your work.” You’ve managed to make me not care about my website? That’s funny, because I’m publishing this article on it right now, aren’t I? It may not be the longest article I’ve ever written, but I am enjoying writing it. As simple as it sounds, technically, that disproves depression’s allegation about writing. The burden of proof is now on depression to demonstrate that I don’t like writing and that I don’t care about my website. I even took it a step further than just addressing the writing issue with depression. 
I’m sure you can imagine where exercise falls on the depression totem pole when I’m stuck in a rut and feel like I don’t enjoy anything in life. But guess what? Despite what depression may want me to believe, I still enjoy exercising, too. Even though depression whispers in my ear that I don’t want to get out of bed, but since I have to, I don’t want to leave my chair for the entire day. So again, I demanded that depression show me its work. Prove to me that you’ve stolen my interests, depression. But it couldn’t. So I’ve had a decent start to my workday, I’ve written an article without feeling like anyone was forcing me to do it, and I’ve done some exercise. I’m giving myself credit for those accomplishments, and for proving depression wrong. 

As I always make sure to remind you, no technique works the same way for everyone. I cannot guarantee that shifting your thoughts this way will help you the way it helps me, but I can suggest that you give this, or something similar, a try! Let me know if you have any tricks for when you feel like you’re losing control in the comments.

by: Alyson Pi
date: May 12, 2021