Mental Health at Work

Concealing Alcoholic Tendencies, Bipolar, and Suicidal Ideation on the Job Site

A Guest Post By Ryan Zadrazil

In 2017 my inside sales career began. I recently graduated from college and was struggling to find work. I caved and took a job at a call center called West Corporation. After three weeks of training, I was thrown into the fire. I quickly came to realize that I had a knack for sales. Unfortunately, inside I was an emotional wreck. On the weekends I drank heavily to mask the pain. I vividly remember getting so intoxicated that I did not feel like myself for two days. During this time, my coworkers had no idea about the issues I was struggling with. 

Professionally, I was doing very well and was considered the top rep on the sales floor. As I continued to excel at my position, I began to realize that my weekend lifestyle was impacting my work. My medications seemed to be becoming less effective due to my alcohol consumption. I was not sure where to turn or who I could trust to share my problem with. I came to the conclusion that I would keep my little secret, but this approach would not last for long.

Although my communication skills on the phone were great, I lacked conversational skills with my coworkers. I was passed up for a promotion twice for this reason. According to leadership, I lacked the characteristics of a successful leader. During this time, I felt very alone and at times contemplated taking my life. My coworkers, my manager, and leadership had no idea what was going on in my head. Upon reflection, I believe I could have done a better job of vocalizing my struggles, but I was concerned that I would lose my job if I shared this with them.

West Corporation was the kind of business that put its profits over people. All of our activities were monitored including when we were and were not at our desks. One day I came to work and there was a security officer at the door, which was not normal. Leadership would not tell us why the security guard was there. Days later I found out that a former employee had threatened to sneak in and open fire on the sales floor.

I vividly remember my last day at West Corporation. I had accepted an offer from a competitor of the company. Instead of putting in my two weeks’ notice I chose to quit my job. Leadership asked to speak with me before I left. I’ll never forget the conversation I had with Luke. He asked me where I was going, and I refused to answer. I found the new job through my former manager who was not supposed to be soliciting employees from West Corporation. Luke asked me if I was leaving my old opportunity to get closer to my former manager. I told him that it was a different opportunity. He told me leaving West Corporation was not in my best interest although I was getting a significant bump in pay at the new job. We shook hands and went our separate ways.

This was my first full-time job. Although I was surrounded by coworkers, I had never felt this lonely in my life. Would things have gone differently if I would have reached out for support? It’s possible. What I learned from this experience was the importance of having a support system. Years later I recognized the importance of this. A lot has changed since then, but I will never forget the experiences I had while working at West. Thanks for reading.