The Split Second I Was A Real Lawyer Again

...And How I Found Out

As more time passes, I’m conflicted here. I still have neither a secure legal job nor a pending career. As more time  passes, I feel my status as a “real lawyer” draining from my body, making its escape. The dull, unfulfilling nature of my temporary work (which is the only option for me according to my almost 2 year search) makes me feel it even more, that real lawyer status diminishing until it plummets to a level so low, I never imagined even in nightmares.

And that’s no good for mental health.

When I get the opportunity for freelance legal work, I do it. But it’s sporadic, it’s for all different people, and nobody except the clients know I’m doing it. My credentials sit stagnantly on my resume, as though they’re frozen. They were in the film, but uncredited. All of this begs the question of if I still have that spark in me that me want to be an attorney.

And I got to find out.

A friend recently approached me about a client needing help with an employment contract. For someone with my knowledge and experience but also lack of mentorship and a “frenemy,” imposter syndrome, this was PERFECT.

When I asked attorneys in employment law (one of my main areas of interest), for advice on gaining experience despite my endless bad luck in my job search, most said the same thing.

Start with basic contract review and drafting. Start with something like an employment contract. 

Then my friend reached out. And I won’t lie. 
I wondered should I even try? 
Would I recognize a potential breach, blunder, something wrong? 
After this legal practice drought that kept on all too long,
 should I just accept it and stay dry?
 I had my doubts and I knew why.
 I engaged in the inner debate. 
Did the spark fade? Am I too late? 
The only way I could find out was to say yes and take the case. 

I started working and found an ambiguity in one of the earlier clauses, one that may appear perfectly clear to the untrained eye. But I don’t have an untrained eye. And the excitement I felt changing that ambiguity and preventing a potential future conflict for my client, that’s the spark that makes me a “real” attorney. And I’m so happy it’s still burning and I’m still learning. 

Let’s hope I get to do work I enjoy on a regular basis because my mental health definitely improves exponentially when I do fulfilling work.